On ISIS, Dapper Laughs and the funniest program of last year.

The other day I was having some food with other human beings and a question was raised by one of my veteran companions. The question was, ‘did you watch Charlie Brookers 2014 Wipe?’ Joyfully I got to reply no, but I had recorded it which resulted in much happiness to all those involved. I have since watched the program and thanks to the wonders of something called the internet I have managed to find a link to it which is here. You can watch it if you haven’t already imploded with the possibility of reading a second paragraph let alone bear the horror of watching an hour long program.

The whole thing is brilliant but if you have the attention span of a gnat then please do yourself a favour and watch the section at 28:20…

No seriously watch it and come back here. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Done? Excellent. It’s fucking terrifying isn’t it? I haven’t seen a point being made so eloquently since the Sunny D advert. Or the atom bomb. The simple fact is the world has been portrayed by Adam Curtis in all it’s horrific glory. Global Terror, international crisis, 24 news stoking the flames and the possibility that one country could invade another country and annex some of it’s land without anyone really doing much about it. Thanks for the cheap petrol though Obama. It’ll make me feel all warm and fuzzy when I think of all those Russians who can no longer buy I-Pads. Or maybe food. At least Bond films will get interesting again.

It pains me to see how awful the world appears in a carefully edited and splendidly presented TV show. Human beings being chased by dogs for fun in Release the Hounds, Dapper Laughs, Ebola, American News, Isis, Bob Geldolf and all the rest of the cast of Sesame Street being convicted for making love to their extras; while still wearing the costumes. Charlie Brooker and co have successfully pushed me a little closer to wanting to hurt myself while simultaneously enlightening me in an hours worth of mental flagellation.

But fear not. Because at the end of the program (which is definitely worth watching) I opened a cupboard and instead of reaching for the cheese-grater as planned my gaze landed on a pristine bottle of HP Sauce. All at once my thoughts of applying the cheese-grater  to my nether regions disappeared as I was overwhelmed by a simple thought.

HER1200594 hp_sauce_255_g

Man created HP Sauce. A sauce that shouldn’t taste good but not only does, it goes further by actually improving the flavour of bacon. That’s like alchemy for the food world. As I stood naked in my kitchen, staring at this divine bottle of awesome shaped by the hands of man, I remembered that the world was still full of great things and great people. Despite all the horrors in the world there are still;

Puppies, Steven Hawkins, the mystery of space, rainbows, free porn, acts of human kindness, the cold side of the pillow, love, history, art and billions of good human beings who genuinely care about their fellow earthlings and the world around them.

There are too many good things in this world for the shit to drag us down completely. 2014 Wipe was a flashback to a pretty terrible year but we’re all still here. And HP sauce exists.

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