Updates and shit…


I hope you like the title. I think it aptly surmises exactly how wooden my creative muscles are feeling right now. This blog is my attempt at blowing the proverbial cobwebs and dust off of my brain with the intention of getting back into the swing of writing again. I feel this is kind of important as now my new PC has arrived I actually have no excuse to put off my book writing endeavours. Well except that Civilisation 5 is great and Shogun Total War allows me to unleash my inner Warlord.

Anyway, I’ve been writing down ideas for the book for months and have about a million ideas and influences jostling around; sort of like how my stomach feels after a heavy night out consisting of kebab, nachos and cheap beer. I need a mental shit and this needs to be delivered, in force, all over the the digital landscape of Word. Yeah, roll that sentence round your mouth.

As I mentioned in my last blog there have been some serious real life issues going on which I have been dealing with. The only benefit that I have gained from all the cancer/university/friend/family nonsense is that I believe that any experience is a valuable one as long as you survive it. Each situation is different but if I can try and take a positive out of each one then I’m surely winning at life non?

Going back to the book, I have to say that it feels great to be in a position to finally attack it. It’s been on the cards since the New Year and now I’m all like, ‘Yeah! Let’s write a book brain and hands!”. A few years back I had written a five year plan of things I wanted to achieve but the book was never on it. Nonetheless there were some pretty major things on that list that I unfortunately cannot repeat in full (some people could actually get into serious trouble if I was honest and they’ve already created enough problems for me that I don’t want anyone else to suffer as a result of it). Below is a list of what’s left on the original 14 point plan.

2) Stay Married

9) Go somewhere in Asia

11) Kids

Things that I ticked off include, getting a new job, getting a dog, saving a stack of cash and getting a mortgage. Not bad in three and a half years (though the mortgage situation was navigated past in a slightly unorthodox way). The three items left on the list are quite obviously things that I want to achieve so this is how I’ll do it:

Stay Married – Seems a simple thing but I truly believe that committing to someone and then sharing your whole lives together is one of the most difficult things you can ever do; and I seriously want to keep doing it right. I have no control over Lucy’s feelings other than the way my actions affect her – I’ll just try and keep doing what I’m doing and hope that works.

Go Somewhere in Asia – My fund for Japan has started. My intention is to save around £6000 so that I can galavant around Kyoto buying shit from vending machines and staring at neon in that hazy sunshine filled way that Scarlett Johansson does in Lost in Translation.

Kids – Yeah nice one Cooper with your whole, ‘I want to do something with my life’ attitude. My selfish wife (see point 2) has decided to not just be my baby factory and simply pursue her own dreams for the moment. Because Lucy is about to embark on a full university career rather than dealing with crack addicts all day we now have to (rather sensibly) put making children on hold while she pursue the Xbox achievement of ‘Fullfilling Career – 20g’.


So yeah that’s what’s left on the old plan. I really need to write a new one which includes stuff like, ‘Write Book’ and ‘Maintain Will to Live despite outside Influences Trying to Grind me Down’. I’ll save all that for another blog though as I can already feel the Neanderthal part of my grunting with exertion  as I desperately clutch at the last remnants of intelligence which are slowly  leaking out of me like semen from a now flacid penis.

PS. I’m loving being 30 now by the way. I can properly not give a shit about things and be considered and okay person still. Aspiration and hope can fuck off while I sit back and drink a beer while slagging off students. LOOK AT ALL THE FUCKS I GIVE WORLD. LOOK AT THE WHOLE EMPTY BASKET FULL OF FUCKS.

(Love Smithy)


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