…statistically I’m about average in pretty much everything I have done. I have average university, GCSE and A Level grades. I have an average job with an average salary. My height and build are also average. If you disagree with any of the above then please find the facts to prove me wrong; I’ll thank you for the effort and then laugh in your face.
Why am I listing the above? Well it’s to say that I am a pretty normal person and mainly to support my next point:
Being in the middle is starting to suck in this day and age.
There has been a lot of talk about the ‘Squeezed Middle’ in the news which makes me picture some overweight beast wrapped up in an ill fitting corset. The truth is that we in the middle are slowly but surely getting metaphorically butt fucked. Imagine George Osborne holding a tenner in front of your face and burning it while David Cameron inches his penis into your arsehole. Sweating. I’m pretty sure that is the idea that the BBC are trying to illustrate to me each morning.
Anyway, my money goes nowhere these days. Well it goes somewhere to be fair but mainly on bills. Everything has gone up. I don’t need to list it all because you are probably only reading this because you are part of the middle too; that apathetic group of daydreamers who are unlikely to achieve much with their lives but are generally fucking happy. My happiness is being quashed though which I’ll elaborate on now.
Like the Inbetweeners, the middle should be the safe zone in which you are only occasionally jostled by the outside world. That’s why most people were in it at school! Thinking about it, this train of thought really isn’t going anywhere because now I’m thinking of the poor being the foundation of the social building and the rich being the top…
Actually no it does all make sense. Build a solid foundation and then keep growing. The middle should be safe and the top should be the fragile bit. I’m thinking Icarus and tree similes now:
Picture a tree right. Solid foundations (roots). That’s your poor/working class/whatever. The poor need to be well support and strong to support the main bulk of the tree: The middle. The middle is the trunk – the most valuable part of the tree that requires the support of the foundation and is essential for the growth of the rest of the tree. Which would be the rich – the branches and leaves and flowers. Fragile but the most important part for future growth.
Nah that isn’t working either. The tree needs all parts to work together to grow. Perhaps we’re just all fucked. Either way I blame the government. Not just this one but all of them. Well done for gambling with out lives and fucking the global economy. You’re a bunch of cunts but we still need you to be strong because if you don’t do it, no one will. Please save us because I want to be able to afford to treat my wife to things more often.
Or I could just work harder but where’s the motivation?