Character Generation

I always wonder whether people have pre-set characteristics or not. I’d like to think that people are born babies and then grow up to be whatever they want; but sometimes you’ve got to wonder – was that guy always a shit?

I’ve just spent a weekend away as a knight of a religious order tasked with the security of a camp of over one hundred and twenty people. It was hard work and at one point, two of our factions groups fell afoul of one another. The issue was resolved in the end and I kept my rank as Steward. Naturally what I’m talking about Isn’t real – it was LARP. Normally I’m a braindead administrator but I have been an excellent sychophant while waiting on tables in a restaurant. I am a loving husband,  a dog walker or chef. I have helped people in need and ignored in equal measure. I am, like everyone else – multifaceted and sometimes I find it bloody confusing.

It’s probably why I love crap action movies so much. Nazi’s, terrorists, drug dealers and all their associated henchmen can be gladdy butchered by a generic good guy as far as I’m concerned. The new Judge Dredd movie is a perfect example. Someone who delivers instant justice to people who fall afoul of the law – mostly in a brutal fashion.

The world is complicated enough. In a morgue in France lie four people who were executed for some unknown reason. It’ll takes weeks of investigation and at the end of it all we’ll have a reason for the deaths – well possibly. The only real facts are that there are two girls who are going to be fucked up for life and the world has lost some people who were probably good.

In art this would be the start of the plot of some story. Natalie Portman watches her family get killed before seeking revenge in Leon. Paul Atreides avenges his father in Dune by leading a band of desert freedom fighters. Fiction is  fun. Reality, is often shite.

So when I’m feeling down and the world just doesn’t make sense I like to settle down and watch John Mclane shoot someone through his own bullet wound. I like to see Chow Yun Fat plow his way through Yakuza in a hospital while he carries a baby in one arm and a shotgun in another. Arnie fires a rocket at an enemy helicopter in True Lies while a bad guy is attached to it. 

Yes – the pictures big but that’s because John Mclane is that awesome.

People need heroes whether fictitious or not, and the world certainly needs less wankers. So here’s to one dimensional characters and all the gun toting, gravity defying and general bad-assery that they bring. It certainly helps me when I’m feeling down.


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