Oh blog. I abandoned you for a bit didn’t I? I’m sorry. Like a cheap whore I will go back to you from time to time in order to satiate my need for simple gratification. And right now I want some cheap word love. I’m probably going to fall back on some classic A.Smithisms (it’s a coined term now) and I’ll probably preach and talk shit but ultimately who cares. If you’ve read this far you might as well carry on as I can tell you have nothing better to do except stare at children while rubbing your nipples. Drooling.
Anyway. So I’m literally writing for the sake of writing right now. There is a point that I should address but it would be impossible to do so on here without possibly dying and also it would be slightly cowardly. No one would ever use an underhand tactic in order to achieve a result in life would they? No, we’re all heroes (especially in the eyes of the Daily Mail).
Dereliction of Duty is often used as a military term which interestingly ties into the idea of being described as brave or a hero by any tabloid paper (somehow it ties in but I couldn’t be arsed to elaborate). No doubt tomorrow there will be an headline about the three soldiers who were shot by an Afghan officer. They will all be described as brave and their families will say that they were good men. I have to agree that they were most likely good men (though we could also assume that they weren’t based on no prior knowledge of them) and I respect anyone who will fight for their country.
But would you really describe someone who got shot by someone on their own side as brave? Is there anything heroic about dying for your country? Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori a soldier once wrote. You might have heard of that soldier in between remembering to breathe and other difficult tasks. Sorry that’s a bit low – I meant to say that I think some people are fucking idiots not all of you. If you’re still reading now its most likely due to the fact you passed GCSE English and are aware of Wilfred Owen. Now you’re nodding sagely and saying ‘bravo’. Oh christ now your middle class. You must hate yourself as much as I do.
But yeah anyway. I wouldn’t describe myself as brave if I got hit by a train. I wouldn’t describe myself heroic if I got stabbed trying to help someone. I think the word I would use is fucking unlucky. In fact thinking about it, if I wrote a newspaper I would probably write the headline for the soldiers in big bold print: FUCKING UNLUCKY. Because lets face it they might have joined the army for the most noble of intentions (fighting to protect their country) but there is nothing heroic about being riddled by bullets from an AK-47 and dying on the other side of the world leaving your loved ones behind. That’s just crap.
What I do admire is that those soldiers were trying to see their job through. They no doubt have to worry about getting their legs blown off or getting shot and generally just carrying out the shittest job in the world. They work in ridiculous heat and have periods of ridiculous boredom and get shot at by their own people…
Actually no it’s not brave. It’s absurd. It was absurd in 1914, it was absurd in 1939. Men of the British Army, I implore you to stop fighting and just go home. Go home to your wives and your children. Go home and study and help us figure out how to get out of the recession (perhaps we could save money by cutting our military expenditure – £30,000 per hellfire missile anyone?). Just come home because i’m pretty sure that after one solid decade of fighting we should just cut our losses and just go. I won’t judge you.