While sat on the loo today I considered some pretty weighty issues. Firstly, the Middle East and the continued conflicts that carry on out there. Secondly what units to include in my 2500 point army list of toy lizards that I’ll be using against Joe’s legion of furry rat creatures. During my reverie I realised, in that unique moment where sweat starts to bead on your forehead through strain, that the two issues are actually linked (possibly).
Think about it seriously for a second. There is no Games Workshop in Syria. Neither is there one in Libya. In fact most of the countries where there have been revolutions against the governments have a disproportionate amount of Games Workshop stores per capita. In fact though I managed to find this website it seems primarily linked to Dubai – one of the most wealthy looking places in the desert and therefore an exception to the rule (plus it would rubbish my argument). Regardless of evidence to the contrary this is a serious issue, something which Games Workshop will be keen to address for the sake of their noble shareholders and for the sake of mankind as a whole (in that order). What do I mean by the minor later part? Please let me elaborate…
You see men have a natural urge to fight. It’s been a trait since the dawn of mankind believe it or not. For centuries we have developed more elaborate ways of killing each other with more spectacular results each time. Consider the Trebuchet for example – a brilliant bit of kit. Some boffin found an even more enjoyable way of using it by flinging rotting animal carcasses into castles to spread disease thereby continuing to satiate mankind’s desire to make things blow up and look like god. However during the Age of Enlightenment people started to tire of the old ways and this was when the first true Geek appeared (this next account may be bullshit).
In a small foundry in Britain a young Blacksmith grew tired of making muskets. He was tired of all the killing that would be the end result of his craft. He decided he needed to make a change to save mankind. One day he set down to create the first Space Marine and developed a game where people could fight tabletop battles instead of real ones. The end result of this very real account was that violence in the town where he grew up fell completely. The young blacksmith whose name I cannot be bothered to make up renamed his foundry Games Workshop and from there the cult of Geekery grew.
Western Civilisation flourished and though there were some minor mishaps in history (wars in 1914-1918 and 1939-1945 being two little known examples) things became absolutely tip top for the western world (and a few other places). This is all thanks to Games Workshop. By giving the general population the right to fight little tabletop wars, civilisation can grow. People can become more productive and will lead happy lives without fear. I guarantee that when you see someone attempt to sell Games Workshop in certain rogue states things will get better. That is however when evil governments don’t crack down on them. People need to rise up and overthrow their governments for this change to happen and, thanks to the internet, the people of this world now know what they lack – and what they need to do.
But more importantly it’s time we, in the West, supported the rest of the world in this struggle and buy more Games Workshop. Only by helping Games Workshop become stronger and thus open more shops in the world will we finally see an end to violence. It is a noble quest that can only be achieved by buying everything from basing sand to movement trays! No matter how small your contribution it is only right that if you care about mankind you start helping those less fortunate. Plus you can buy some new awesome toy planes while you’re at it! WIN WIN!
So. For the sake of mankind. Join the cult of Geekery – Buy Workshop – Save Lives.