28 at 2.32am

About an hour ago my dog threw up on me. Earlier today, I bought a lovely new shirt from Debenhams which I thought I’d wear on a night out. The two decided to combine less than twelve hours later. I have to say that it is probably one of the oddest feelings to sit with a pool of dog vomit carefully held in the folds of a shirt that you are wearing.

Life’s a funny old thing isn’t it? You could be happily watching The Expendables with your mate only to find that circumstance conspires to scupper your plan in a great heaving session carried out by your dog. I can forgive my dog though as he’s an animal. With human beings however I have great embaressment with being  associated with.

I’m not saying that I get vomited on all the time by other humans. It’s more the fact that at certain stages of my life I have been severely disappointed by the actions of other human beings. Monty can’t help the fact that he sometimes feels ill. Neither can Lucy’s rabbit understand that she has to be patient with the fact that while Monty is still a puppy she can’t come out of her cage all the time. They have every right to be irrational and stupid compared to human beings – because they are animals. They’ll still fuck me off though.

Without going too much on a tangent I’d like to say that I have no idea how mothers and fathers cope with their offspring. Right now the idea of a mewling baby would kill me. To all the parents in the world all I can say is Kudos. I barely can comprehend fully grown human beings let alone children.

I don’t know. Maybe it all boils down to the fact that I hate the idea of dying. Sometimes I wonder why I spend my time associated with people for too long. A nomadic existence might suit me best. There is a whole world out there to experience and I wonder why I spend mine flitting around trying to keep my British based one stable. I could cheat and lie my way round the world; blagging passport to all sorts of countries and using my honest ambitions to abuse the good of the world to let me live off them in order to fulfil my whimsical desires.

I think the only thing that holds me back is the knowledge that what I desire in life is constrained by the governments in the world. There are no real frontiers in this world any more. There are thousands that exist in the universe. Part of the human soul surely hungers for the unknown. Yet in this day and age you are asked to conform, to help towards the greater good of commercialism and then die. Woop-de-fucking-do.

Ha- I just re-read and realised how rambling this thing was. Awesome. Thanks for getting this far if you have still been reading. I could go upstairs and go to bed but what stops me? Oh wait, that’s right. Pure apathy/drunkenness/whatever.

I tell you what, please justify your existence in comments below. What do you want to do before you die?  If you don’t state your unique life aim below (so I can nick it and kill you) then I will assume that your life is void and take steps to liquidate you. Or alternatively film you while you run repeatedly into a wall. Over and over and over…

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. Amy says:

    My son justifies my existence, I hope to raise him (and other offspring I may cook up) as something more than a disrespectful, lazy, tracksuit wearing, oxygen thief, that appears to be the norm of society today. He is exceedingly hard work and trust me I deserve no kudos as when he goes apeshit more often than not Mummy’s head and Mr Unlit Gas Oven long to be together, this is why I sew! He is however the best thing I’ve ever done, but that’s life isn’t it, the thing you love the most is also, at times, the thing you despise too?! I don’t give a shit if that’s makes me a ‘bad parent’ I’m just being honest..

  2. syndathim says:

    “The thing you love the most is also, at times, the thing you despise too” – I like that mate..

    1. Amy says:

      I’ve prob chaffed it from a Cbeebies programme somewhere along the way….

  3. syndathim says:

    Shhh, don’t tell any one. I copy and paste this shit from Dick and Dom.

    1. Amy says:

      I BLOODY KNEW IT!!!! Credit where credits due, they are the forefront philosophers of our time I mean how can one argue with “BOGIES!!” ?

  4. Kelly Mundy says:

    Wow Andy…wow! :o) to be honest I don’t feel the need to justify my existence I just enjoy it. I have my family, I have my home (OK wish I could move that one away from people that really should need to justify their existence), both me and the better half work hard for what we have. Should I be concerned however that we use every penny we can get our hands on to visit a world of make believe with a giant mouse and princess castle???? Lol. I have aims in life and I’m my trying my hardest to achieve them, god only knows how some people are happy just plodding along with no focus ( not that there is anything wrong with that), you only live once after all, and I for one intend to make the most of it. ;o)

  5. syndathim says:

    True words well said mate.

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